A call that begins "I'm calling about today's incident" lands in a parent's stomach before the second sentence. A call that begins "I want to tell you what I am seeing and ask what you are seeing" lands very differently. The facts may be the same. The listening is not.
This page offers ways to talk with families about behavior that are honest, specific, and respectful.
What the sources ask for
Illinois's guidance asks every BIP to include a specific plan or method to communicate with parents or guardians about their child's behavior and to coordinate school-based and home-based interventions. Colorado's guide says parents and guardians are required to be notified and involved throughout the FBA and BIP processes. Both treat the family as a source of information as well as a recipient.
The IES guide suggests teachers consult parents about whether they see similar behavior at home and, if so, the context in which it occurs. That kind of question turns a report into a conversation.
A first-call outline
Write a few notes during the call and send a short summary afterward, so that both of you have the same record.
Facts and framing
| Poor | Better |
|---|---|
| "Maya was disruptive again today." | "Maya called out about 8 times during reading this morning. She did well in math." |
| "He just won't listen." | "When I gave the direction to line up, he stayed seated for about a minute. When I came close and said his name, he lined up." |
| "I don't know what to do with him." | "I would like your ideas. We are trying a break card, and I want to know if anything like it has worked at home." |
| "He needs to be evaluated." | "I would like to bring what we are seeing to the team so we can look at it together." |
| "Mom keeps saying it's the school." | "She has seen a different pattern at home, which I need to learn about." |
Notice that the better versions describe what happened, avoid labels, and invite the family in. They are also true. This is not a matter of being soft. A fact is stronger than an adjective.
Ask before you tell
Families know things that staff never see: a hard morning, a loss, a medication change, a sibling, what motivates their child. Colorado's guide recognizes this in its setting event strategies, which include a home-school communication log and a daily check-in with the parent at drop-off or by phone to get a heads-up. A short question at the start of a call, "Anything we should know about the morning?", can change a day.
A home-school log
A log is a simple way to keep two-way communication going without long calls.
| School to home | Home to school | |
|---|---|---|
| Date | Oct 14 | Oct 14 |
| Good moments | Used his break card twice before the worksheet | Slept well, ate breakfast |
| One concern | Left his seat once during reading | Missed the bus, rushed morning |
| Next step | Try a shorter first page | Will review the card at home |
Keep it to a few lines, and aim to include something positive each day. If a log becomes a list of problems, pause and rebuild it around what the plan is working on.
Sharing data
Show the baseline and the graph. A family that sees "about 10 call-outs a morning, down to 6" understands the plan's progress better than one hearing "he is doing better." Use the definition and invite their view of whether it matches. See baseline before a behavior plan.
When the family is upset
Listen first. Repeat back what you heard. Do not argue about the facts in the moment. Say that you will look at their concerns, and bring them to the team. If the call is going badly, offer to talk again, or to schedule a meeting with another team member present. Illinois's guidance notes that if a parent disagrees with a BIP, the district should work collaboratively to resolve the dispute, and mentions state-sponsored facilitation and mediation as supports.
Good news counts
Plan to send at least as many positive messages as concerns. A brief note that says "Today he used the card instead of leaving, and I was glad to see it" tells the family the plan is working, and it tells the student that adults notice effort. Colorado's guide stresses building positive relationships and a high ratio of positive to corrective attention for students, and the same logic helps with families. A parent who hears only bad news will begin to dread the phone. A parent who hears a mix will answer.
Keep positive notes specific. "Great day" tells little. "He started his writing right away and asked for help with the card" tells a family exactly what to praise at home.
Languages and access
If the family speaks a language other than English, ask the district how to arrange an interpreter or translated notes, and use them for calls, notes, logs, and the plan. A short note in the family's language, even if the plan is in English, shows respect and prevents misunderstandings. Ask the family how they prefer to be reached, and when. A parent who works nights may prefer a text to a call at noon.
Putting it in writing
After a meeting or an important call, send a short note: what was discussed, what was decided, who will do what, and when you will be in touch. Section 300.322 requires notice of IEP meetings early enough for parents to attend and at a mutually agreed time and place. Use the notice, the agenda, and the summary as the paper trail. Keep notes factual, as in documenting incidents factually.
Communication slips
- Only calling about problems. Include good news.
- Using labels. Describe what happened.
- Long emails. Short and specific is easier to read.
- Surprises at the meeting. Share the draft ahead. See BIP team meeting agenda.
- Forgetting to follow up. If you say you will call Friday, call Friday.
Terms are in the glossary.
What your district requires
Notice rules, language access, and communication channels vary. Ask your district what tools you may use, and how to arrange an interpreter if the family needs one.